so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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