when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
