It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
