Don't make out with my wife yet
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
