Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
