and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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