i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
