I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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