If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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