guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize