i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
