i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
