i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
