He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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