Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
