Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
