I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
