You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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