I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
