and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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