Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
