JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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