im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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