Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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