This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
