when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize