life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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