getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
is it fun? or sober?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
