the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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