my sisters under your porch take her home
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
