Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
