My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
