Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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