How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
