I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
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so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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