She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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