if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
