Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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