oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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