i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
