my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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