you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
