So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
