so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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