She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
