Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize