Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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