how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I will be naked everywhere
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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