I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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