You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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