Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
