after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
