My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
