census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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