help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
