I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
