Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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