Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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