I hate all girls vehemently.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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