You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I believe in your delicious
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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