I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
