Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
