how can u be prego again
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
