Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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