One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just invented taco cereal.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
