next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
