he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
