I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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