you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My ass is underappreciated
i now understand why vodka
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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