There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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