It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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