we have pet lesbian snakes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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