I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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