Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
