I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
