have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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