First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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