tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
