I am puke
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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