The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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