I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
