i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
