4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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