i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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