so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
