Porn is love you can see.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
