return my video game
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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